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16 March 2010 @ 04:29 pm
Maxim Italia Mk. II (now with visible pictures)  

(This is the finest picture of Jovetic ever taken. Do not even attempt to persuade me otherwise.)

After numerious confused people (including me) asked for full-size versions of the Maxim photos, I thought I’d put them up in a new post (plus the pics of Jovetic, the Juvesters and Capello, which Hameow unaccountably missed). Big thanks to hameow for finding the site in the first place!

Buffon, Cannavaro and PapaCapz only get one tiddly photo each;

Cannavaro’s naked, but then, he’s always naked.

And this is a picture of Fabio Capello... No, really, it IS a picture of Fabio Capello. I don’t CARE if you think it’s just a black rectangle with a white wiggly line down the middle of it... Oh, never mind.

Here goes Toni, to get him out of the way.

In my opinion, blowing these shots up to half life-size has not improved them in any way, but what do I know?

Next, drunk!Rino.

Drawing on his Hulk powers; what will he transform into?

...Exactly the same thing he was before, only dressed in black. Well, it can’t be helped.

(Question for Milanisti: is his middle name really Ivan? And why?)

Finally, red-and-white shots of extreme unshavenness. Now, let’s get Deki over and done with.

Well, that’s a good start. He’s not trying to look all serious and moody, which has got to be good.

...Forget I spoke.

What is that big flat thing? A coffin? An altar? Is he about to sacrifice a victim?

He copes admirably as a giant black-and-grey man boots a ball at his head,

and moves on to the cinema. The ushers will throw you out for doing that, young man.

(For reasons that aren’t at all clear, they used the same shot twice.)

Oooh, nice vignetting.

I really hope he’s not going to use that one for his driving licence.

“Me? Cross-eyed? Certainly not.”

Just when I thought we’d got rid of it: it’s the altar thing again. He looks especially pleased with himself here, doesn’t he?... Everyone, start looking around, see if you can see a big knife.

*Perks up* Is that Chivu walking past in the background??... Wait, false alarm. Carry on.

Monty time!

As hameow pointed out, he looks justifiably displeased with the clothes they’ve made him wear:

first there’s this this punk... skateboard... object with a Su Doku grid on the chest,

and then the famous tie-dye trews. Just how did they explain these things? “Sorry, mate, we were digging roads for our day job and spilt tar on your bags”?

Oh, all right, he found that hilarious. Let’s carry on.

Mimmo gets to wear altogether more sensible clothes. Hurrah!

He also gets some graffiti, and a giant pipe.

It’s all very mysterious, but I expect there’s some point to it. Onwards!


And his feet! (Extremely major thanks to tbistresbien for getting me the pictures.)

I would embed the black and white photo with the motorbike, but it’s too big, so here’s a link. If you ever wanted a Javi poster about 4ft tall, here’s your chance. Hurrah! \o/

Finally: TITCH! \o/

First they made him have a kickabout in this black jacket.

He was fine with that.

Wtf is that thing ln the top left corner? A windblown hanky? A boom mike?

“Don’t you DARE put your boom mike in my picture again.”

Then they switched over to the nylon jacket with the boobie panels:

that put his nose out of joint again. Oh, dear.

So at last, they attempted the Brown Jacket of Levitation...


That’s all, folks; hope we got all the pictures this time. *Bows*
princess valium: Calcio | Eyebrow waggle | Lotticalzamante on March 16th, 2010 04:41 pm (UTC)
Jovetic is beginning to grow into his face, I think. Well, either his face or Phil Lynott's, I haven't quite decided. :p

These mostly made me take increasingly large steps back from my monitor with an 'eww' face plastered on, but OMGRINO? Who knew he could do hot?

It's after Ivan the Terrible, obvs. ;)
cheryl_bites: Marius mischiefcheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 04:52 pm (UTC)
*Looks up Phil Lynott* Well, you've got a point about the hair. XD I'm not sure Titch'll ever stop looking odd, but at least I'm beginning to get used to him.

(no subject) - calzamante on March 16th, 2010 05:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 05:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - calzamante on March 16th, 2010 05:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
zia Lizzò ~ la leonessa sul comò: inter | is for girlslisachanoando on March 16th, 2010 04:50 pm (UTC)
God bless you. *dies*
cheryl_bites: Weddingcheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 04:53 pm (UTC)
You're welcome! <3
defe ~ la sezione aurea del fandom (cit.): RP: José #2el_defe on March 16th, 2010 04:51 pm (UTC)
HOLY JESUS. *stares @ Dekispam*.

What is that big flat thing? A coffin? An altar? Is he about to sacrifice a victim? WHY THE HELL ARE ALL OF YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME WRITE MORE AUs? *bloodcrying*

*saves almost everything about Jo-Jo and Deki and thanks*
chia25chia25 on March 16th, 2010 04:55 pm (UTC)
Hands off my Stevan e_e
(no subject) - el_defe on March 16th, 2010 04:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - chia25 on March 16th, 2010 04:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - el_defe on March 16th, 2010 05:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - chia25 on March 16th, 2010 05:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - el_defe on March 16th, 2010 05:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 04:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - el_defe on March 16th, 2010 04:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 04:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - el_defe on March 16th, 2010 04:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
chia25: Fiorentina » Stevan » Kiss mechia25 on March 16th, 2010 04:54 pm (UTC)
cheryl_bites: Cat Ferncheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 04:57 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - chia25 on March 16th, 2010 04:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - milan_love on March 17th, 2010 01:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
Lachesi: Stevan ~ Smilin'.janetmourfaaill on March 16th, 2010 05:03 pm (UTC)
STEVAN. I mean, STEVAN, you can't be legal, I have no words and OMG I can't see these pants, I really can't.
cheryl_bites: Roman's hatcheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 05:04 pm (UTC)
They look like tux trousers, don't they? *Scratches head* With the little stripe of satin down the side... Why would you wear those with a nylon jacket? These designers are too weird.
(no subject) - janetmourfaaill on March 16th, 2010 05:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 05:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
cheryl_bites: HP Saucecheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 05:07 pm (UTC)
Excellent. *Clinks glass*
Javier Zanetti's OCD.: Inter | IRFC eying Obinnabustedflush on March 16th, 2010 05:39 pm (UTC)
Hey, nice, thank you! *goes to get Gallo*

... Isn't the "Chivu" going by in the background of that Deki picture actually Deki? Interesting confusion there. :p

And I really wish Jojo hadn't quit shaving, like, three weeks before those pictures were taken. Him with pictures is so troubling. And, granted, it probably will be his whole life, but hopefully at some point he'll look slightly older? That said, I love that they've apparently taken Lloyd Dobler as a style role model for him. o.O And, also, that there isn't actual ball in any of the "juggling" pictures. "Quiet, boy just pretend! How hard can it be?"
cheryl_bites: Panti Chivucheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 05:57 pm (UTC)
Gallo? *Clueless* Vincent Gallo?

I think it is, yes. The hairline caught my attention, but then I realised there was too much hair. They must be getting more and more like each other in their old age; I wonder if Christi's going to have 700 children next? XD

Titch's whiskers are really the second-saddest I've ever seen in my life. Only Panti's are worse, and he's on oestrogen! What's Jovetic's excuse? They look like little octopus tentacles. And wtf is Lloyd Dobler? *Looks him up* Ah, Ruby and her 80s music, you and your 80s films. XD I see what you mean about the trench coat and trainers, though.

Maybe he was juggling that greyish thing that I mistook for the boom mike. That's all I can come up with.
(no subject) - bustedflush on March 16th, 2010 07:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 10:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dirtbunnies on March 16th, 2010 10:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dirtbunnies on March 16th, 2010 10:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cheryl_bites on March 18th, 2010 11:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
štěstí;: leo; oh noes!stringeilcuore on March 16th, 2010 06:45 pm (UTC)
Rino -*dies*
I love those pics. He looks so good!!!
cheryl_bites: HP Saucecheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 07:01 pm (UTC)
I would have spent a bit less time making his hair all wet (wtf is that about?), but yeah, looking good. And he got some of the more fortunate outfit choices...
lenny_666: italylenny_666 on March 16th, 2010 09:02 pm (UTC)
Rhino gives me forevawanting feeling)
cheryl_bites: Cat Ferncheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 09:51 pm (UTC)
Maxim seem to have changed a lot of people's opinions about Rino. XD
(no subject) - lenny_666 on March 16th, 2010 10:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
ilovezee: CannaDanceilovezee on March 16th, 2010 09:11 pm (UTC)
Can BARELY Breathe!

LOL jojo, is definitely tigger in disguise. they should have had him wear orange.


Javi. Rino werking the hott. Mimmo being mimmo.

cheryl_bites: Sheepycheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 09:58 pm (UTC)
2. Titch is at his best when he's jumping, isn't he? It must be the way his hair bounces.
3. YES! I thought while I was uploading it, "Whoa, MASSIVE close-up of Monty's eyes. Few casualties tonight."
5. XD Lol glad someone liked Canna! He gets his kit off so often I was wondering whether that was an old photo you'd all seen before.

Glad you liked it!
(no subject) - ilovezee on March 17th, 2010 12:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cheryl_bites on March 17th, 2010 09:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ilovezee on March 17th, 2010 10:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
juventina5juventina5 on March 16th, 2010 09:20 pm (UTC)
LOL Criscito got graffiti because he's from the ghetto... bahahahahahah ok yeah, I don't know if he is but it's still funny that he gets to feel gangsta for a day :P
cheryl_bites: Guncheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 09:59 pm (UTC)
XD!!! I've never seen anyone less ghetto in my life, he makes Santon look like a gangster. But, as you say, as long as it makes him happy!
(no subject) - juventina5 on March 16th, 2010 11:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Dirtbunny: lucadirtbunnies on March 16th, 2010 10:18 pm (UTC)
1. Gigi is a sex panther. It's right on his shirt.
2. Nekkid Cannavaro. *yawn* I guess familiarity does breed contempt.
3. My big dumb gorilla and his green eyes of love! How does someone so beautiful take such crap photos?
4. Another vote here for Rino is hot (although I'm not down with the extreme close-ups in harsh lighting).

Tangent: Shave, go a little scruffy, or don't shave (and please choose appropriately to the facial hair you have to work with Jojo). Stay away from the danger zone where scruffy turns into sloppy but before you get to "don't shave." Why is this so hard for boyz to learn?

5. Deki! Baby! I didn't know you had it in you (except of course, when you don't). Here's my theory on the altar-thingy. He is trying to lure you up there. You think you're going to do it, and you are, but what you don't know is you are the star of Deki's snuff film and the camera is rolling. i think i just grossed myself out.

6. Oh, Monty. Butch up. Please.

7. Mimmo: see now this is why I think Marco M can do better? What kind of skeevy perv wants to mack on this innocent boy, who reminds me of one of my infant cousins? Not Marco, cos he is non-skeevy.

8. And finally, Jojo: I'm confused. Sometimes he's got this boyband intensity thing going on, and other times he's just our goofball. Also, Question: Is he physically incapable of closing his mouth all the way? Should we take up a collection to get that fixed?

cheryl_bites: HP Saucecheryl_bites on March 16th, 2010 10:28 pm (UTC)
1, 2 and 3. *Nods politely*
4. This photo shoot seems to have been Rino's most successful PR move ever, at least among women. Wonder if the blokes all fell for him as well...
5. DDD: (DON'T suggest that to Def.)
7. What kind of skeevy perv wants to mack on this innocent boy Sasa Bocchetti does. But then, he IS a (relatively) innocent boy.
8. He managed to look moody a couple of times cos the photog told him to. XD And don't go messing around with his mouth! He can play football perfectly well with it like that, he doesn't need to do anything else. (Mind you, my gob is about the same size as his, and the dentist has trouble fitting instruments in it. So if he has a similar problem I think that'll dash the hopes of a thousand slashers.)
(no subject) - dirtbunnies on March 16th, 2010 11:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cheryl_bites on March 17th, 2010 09:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
hameow: montyhameow on March 16th, 2010 10:58 pm (UTC)
you comment = LOLOLOLOL

Thank you for bringing us the bigger, better, more-gangstah pics XD

and apologize that i somehow failed to spot Jojo's gallery *headwalls*
you're right that this must be one of the best Jojo pic EVAR.
it helps compensate all those horrid portraits. UGH. *hands jojo a shaving kit*

cheryl_bites: Drognacheryl_bites on March 17th, 2010 09:32 am (UTC)
Thanks! Compiling it helped take my mind off the impending Inter-Chelsea. XD

And yes, his whiskers are gruesome. DX
Ro Rossoneramilan_love on March 17th, 2010 02:10 am (UTC)
1. OH Rino I freaking love you!! Underneath that completely mental pit-bull there is a Turkish angora kitty wanting out.*g*
2. LOLOLOL! I never realized how cross-eyed Stanković was. That might be though because I not interista though. :P
3. Oh mmmimmo! (a little random but On Domenica Sportiva one night Teo Teocoli asked Gasperini if Criscito is pronounce Cri-shi-to or Cri-cito. Gasperini goes I once made a mistake once and called him Mimmo.)
4. Jojo is made of win! That is all :P
cheryl_bites: Sheepycheryl_bites on March 17th, 2010 09:47 am (UTC)
1. He's got very sweet eyes, hasn't he? <3
2. He doesn't look like that most of the time! Why they told him to cross his eyes for the "sexy" shots is beyond me.
3. What?! XD That's not a mistake, is it? That's his name!
4. I agree. XD
(no subject) - milan_love on March 17th, 2010 09:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cheryl_bites on March 18th, 2010 11:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - milan_love on March 18th, 2010 05:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
T. J. Hoshieihoshka on March 17th, 2010 04:29 am (UTC)
AHA! I always knew Gattuso was secretly hot and now there is proof! And why not Ivan?

Monty really has the prettiest eyes. What a colour. *sigh*
cheryl_bites: Emanuellecheryl_bites on March 17th, 2010 10:02 am (UTC)
*Marks down outburst of Rino-love no. 8475* Well, it's not exactly a traditional Italian name, is it? XD I knew there were a lot of Italians with Russian names during the communist era, but I was under the impression that communists are a bit thin on the ground there these days.

Just incredible, aren't they? <3
(no subject) - ihoshka on March 18th, 2010 07:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)